[00:00:03] Let me ask you something, and please answer honestly.
[00:00:08] When was the last time you called a friend just to talk?
[00:00:13] I don't mean to coordinate something or, you know, to send a meme or anything like that. Not even to complain about work, just to talk.
[00:00:29] Now, if that question makes you uncomfortable, you're not alone.
[00:00:39] And it's that discomfort.
[00:00:43] Well, it's kind of the point.
[00:00:53] From the natural state.
[00:00:55] This is Public Facing the Podcast.
[00:00:59] Hello and welcome to Public Facing the Podcast, where culture and community meet.
[00:01:05] We're here sharing everyday voices and extraordinary stories. I'm your host, Joe Holman, and I'm delighted that you've come by.
[00:01:14] Now, today we're talking about something that really doesn't get enough air. Airtime.
[00:01:21] I'm talking about men's loneliness.
[00:01:26] And before you bail, no, this isn't a therapy session, okay?
[00:01:32] No candles, no feeling circle.
[00:01:37] I can't even promise you're going to get a hug at the end of this.
[00:01:42] All I know is that this is about something that's quietly messing with men's mental health, physical health, and honestly, their quality of life.
[00:02:01] Today, we're talking about something that doesn't get labeled as a health issue, but absolutely is.
[00:02:14] It's loneliness among men.
[00:02:17] How it shows up, why it's growing, and why it's quietly wrecking mental and physical health.
[00:02:28] Now, this isn't about blaming men. No, it's about telling the truth.
[00:02:37] Here is the uncomfortable reality.
[00:02:41] Adult men are reporting fewer close friendships than any other point in modern history.
[00:02:51] Many men will say they're fine or I'm good.
[00:02:57] But when researchers ask how many people they could call in a crisis, that number drops fast and it gets real, real quiet.
[00:03:14] And this matter because.
[00:03:17] This matters because loneliness isn't just emotional. No, it's. It's physical.
[00:03:25] Chronic loneliness has been linked to higher rates of heart disease, weakened immune response, sleep disruption, depression and anxiety, an increased risk of early death.
[00:03:48] So, in other words, loneliness functions like a chronic stressor the body.
[00:03:58] But men, well, we fairly. We rarely frame it this way.
[00:04:10] So why men?
[00:04:13] Well, because for generations, us men, we were taught, don't be needy, don't complain, don't rely on other people, handle everything yourself.
[00:04:32] And, you know, friendships. Yeah, those were often built around activities, not emotional openness.
[00:04:43] Things like work, sports, drinking, and projects.
[00:04:52] And here's the problem.
[00:04:55] When the activity disappears, when the job changes, the kids arrive, a marriage ends, the body, well, slows down, and the friendship disappears with it.
[00:05:15] Now, women, on average, are socialized to maintain emotional connections.
[00:05:23] Men are socialized to maintain Roles.
[00:05:28] And when that role ends, the connection often does too.
[00:05:38] Now, here's another reason that this gets missed.
[00:05:43] Because loneliness in men rarely looks like sadness, rarely looks like crying roan in a dark room.
[00:06:01] It looks more like irritability, numbing with alcohol, porn or screams, overworking, emotional withdrawal, risk taking, saying, I'm just tired all the time.
[00:06:22] Many men, they don't feel lonely.
[00:06:26] They feel disconnected, unmotivated, on edge.
[00:06:37] So the issue doesn't get named.
[00:06:41] An untreated loneliness quietly escalates.
[00:06:51] There's a specific danger zone for men.
[00:06:55] It's called midlife.
[00:06:58] Yeah.
[00:06:59] Now, in your 30s and 40s, you know, work demands peak, kids demand attention.
[00:07:10] Time shrinks.
[00:07:12] Yeah, that time's gone.
[00:07:14] Energy, it drops.
[00:07:18] And friendships, well, all of a sudden, they become maintenance, optional.
[00:07:25] Now, one day, something happens.
[00:07:29] Health scare, divorce, job loss.
[00:07:37] Maybe a parent dies.
[00:07:39] And suddenly you realize there is no one to talk to.
[00:07:47] That's not weakness.
[00:07:49] That's neglect.
[00:07:51] See, cultural neglect.
[00:07:55] Male connection is what that is.
[00:08:02] And this is why loneliness among men isn't just a personal issue.
[00:08:11] It's a public health issue.
[00:08:13] What do I mean? Well, because men, we are less likely to seek out therapy. We're less likely to seek out a support group.
[00:08:27] We're less likely to talk to friends about our emotional distress.
[00:08:36] So loneliness quietly compounds silently.
[00:08:44] And when men do finally reach out, well, it's often a crisis level. It's not preventative anymore.
[00:08:54] And we treat heart attacks as emergencies. Yeah, but we ignore the years of isolation that led us there.
[00:09:07] So let's be clear.
[00:09:10] I don't want to go over what's cliche. I want to go with what helps. Okay?
[00:09:17] And let's be clear, just open up more is not useful advice.
[00:09:24] There is no direction, no guidance, no support.
[00:09:31] That is empty words. You're better off without those.
[00:09:36] So what does help?
[00:09:38] Well, a low pressure connection.
[00:09:43] Yeah, like men, we often reconnect better side by side as opposed to face to face.
[00:09:55] Like, FaceTime isn't going to cut it, but shoulder to shoulder? Yeah, we go for walks, we go to the gym, we work on projects. Right.
[00:10:10] And consistency wins over depth.
[00:10:14] I mean, that a weekly coffee beats one deep talk a year with somebody.
[00:10:25] And normalizing male vulnerability without forcing it.
[00:10:35] See, not every conversation has to be a breakthrough.
[00:10:41] So we through, you know, consistency, we chip away at it. And you just need one safe person.
[00:10:52] You don't need five friends. You don't need 15 friends.
[00:10:57] You need one that you can be real with.
[00:11:03] And loneliness doesn't disappear overnight, but it does respond to repeated Low risk connection.
[00:11:16] I'm telling you, this didn't happen overnight. So it's not going to disappear overnight. It's through consistency that, you know, we, we actually get the, the benefit.
[00:11:36] So just keep that in mind.
[00:11:44] If you're listening to this and you're thinking, yeah, you know, this might be me, well, here's what I want you to hear. Okay, Listen, you're not broken and you're not failing and you're not alone in feeling alone.
[00:12:12] This isn't a personal flaw. It's a cultural setup.
[00:12:19] And connection, well, connection isn't weakness, it's maintenance.
[00:12:28] So just like sleep and just like your nutrition and just like exercise.
[00:12:40] Yeah, maintenance.
[00:12:48] So if I had a task for you for this week, I'd ask you to reach out to one person this week.
[00:13:07] Not with a big explanation, just a message.
[00:13:12] Hey man, want to grab coffee?
[00:13:16] Yeah. That's it.
[00:13:19] Because men don't need fixing. There's not a 12 or 15 step set of directions on how we're going to get you to where you need to be.
[00:13:34] So we just show up with the, you know, the low risk connections and we stay consistent because as I said, we don't need fixing, we just need connection.
[00:13:54] And that, that right there might be the most important health conversation we're not even having now.
[00:14:10] That's your challenge for this week. Okay.
[00:14:16] You know another thing, Honestly, most guys, they're just waiting for someone else to make the first move, my friend.
[00:14:30] The next move, that's yours.
[00:14:34] It's time.
[00:14:36] It's been time.
[00:14:39] You're not alone.
[00:14:42] And you're not alone in feeling alone.
[00:14:47] Be well.
[00:14:50] I hope that this has been helpful today.
[00:14:54] Like you to share your thoughts, feelings and strategies on how you deal with loneliness. Or just say hello. Email me at hello. At Public facing Pod Stream, you're listening to the talk show that deep dives into the true stories, sharing the everyday voices and shedding light on the positive issues that shape our world.
[00:15:22] We are openly and welcoming the conversations, testimonies and personal stories that impact the lives of so many from all locations and all walks of life.
[00:15:39] Because these stories should always be public facing now, our episodes are that of a scripted yet non scripted talk show.
[00:15:52] Regardless of what you might hear shared during our time together, my sincere hope is that you can find truth and hope inside the stories that we share.
[00:16:06] I'm so very thankful for you, my favorite listener. I appreciate you for being a part of the public facing podcast journey and I'm hopeful that this episode has inspired you to take action in your life to deter loneliness and make meaningful connections.
[00:16:29] You can do this again. You're not alone.
[00:16:34] I welcome your feedback on all the topics that we discuss and share here on Public Facing the Podcast.
[00:16:42] So how may I best serve you?
[00:16:47] If you're looking for any of our previous episodes, head over to our website at Public Facing Pod Stream.
[00:16:58] You can also find us wherever you get your podcast.
[00:17:04] And as we close today's episode, know this.
[00:17:08] You are the very best part of Public Facing.
[00:17:14] You can connect with us on our x
[email protected] public facing pod and of course you can send your comments or just say hello at hello at Public facingpod Stream.
[00:17:30] Thanks for listening and until next time, share those everyday voices and extraordinary stories.
[00:17:38] Keep things upright and Public Facing.
