[00:00:01] Speaker A: Let me ask you, have you ever been disappointed by something that technically wasn't even bad, but somehow you were still disappointed? Well, it's because reality had the audacity to be different from the version you'd already written up in your head.
And that's why expectations matter.
So let's talk about this. Do the intro.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: From the natural state. This is public facing the podcast with joe holman.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Welcome to Public Facing the Podcast and thanks for joining us today. I'm Joe Holman. Expectations are funny. We need them more than you may realize.
Share some of your expectations from your life with us here by email@helloublicfacingpod stream. We can interact in this discussion.
Usually, expectations help us navigate life, but then we start getting ambitious.
We expect the promotion, the perfect career, the perfect relationship, the perfect kids. But hey, no pressure.
Expectations are essentially predictions about what we think is going to happen.
And here's the problem.
When the prediction becomes a demand, disappointment is almost always guaranteed because sometimes it's the imaginary version of reality that we've been carrying around that's the culprit.
All right, so this is pretty exciting stuff.
Now, expectations are mental forecasts. They're not guarantees.
Fantasy versus real life. Think about the last time you planned something and you were really excited about it. You imagined how it would go. Maybe you pictured the conversation, the weather.
You didn't just anticipate the event. No. You created a movie and then reality showed up with a completely different script.
That's where the expectation gap begins. You see, because we don't experience reality in isolation. We experience reality compared with what we thought reality was going to be.
And it's that comparison that can create an emotional reaction.
Now, we're often told to think positive, but maybe the better advice here would be to say, think positive and stay connected to reality, because there's a difference.
Now, sometimes we inherit expectations without ever consciously choosing them.
We get them from family, culture, friends, school, work, and of course, social media.
Social media can turn comparison into a full time job. You see somebody else's promotion out there, their vacation, their wedding, the new house, maybe their six pack, right? And the brain quietly asks, should I have that too?
But here's the trick, my friend. You're comparing your behind the scenes with someone else's highlight reel. And that's a terrible statistical model because you don't know the debt, you don't know the anxiety, the failures. You don't even know what happened five minutes before that photograph.
And yet you're allowing that photograph to establish your expectations for Your life.
So before you decide that you're falling behind, ask yourself this.
Is this actually my expectation or did I absorb it from somebody else?
That's a powerful question.
And there's another side to this too. Because the difference between I hope traffic isn't bad and I left at 5:15 on a Friday, so obviously the universe should have cleared the highway for me, right?
No, no.
Believe me when I say the universe has other plans.
An expectation, though, is a forecast.
And treating it like a guarantee is where a lot of unnecessary disappointment begins.
Now let's look at where some of these expectations actually come from.
Many of our expectations aren't even actually ours.
Think about that for a second. Because who told you where you should be by this age, or what success should look like, or how quickly your career should develop?
Who told you about this amazing, entertaining and thought provoking podcast you're listening to right now?
Whoever it is, you should thank them.
And who told you what a relationship is supposed to look like? Or how much money you're supposed to make? What your house should look like? Or how about your body, what that should look like?
See, healthy standards, they can motivate us. But unrealistic expectations, well, those can punish us.
There's nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself. Wanting to improve, that's healthy. So is having ambition and setting goals. The problem begins when the standard becomes rigid.
There's a big difference between I want to do this well and I must do this perfectly and between I'd like to succeed and if I don't succeed immediately, then I'm a failure.
Now, that's not really a standard. That's more like a fantasy.
See, research on perfectionism helps explain why this matters, because a large systematic review and meta analysis involving more than 113,000 participants.
Well, they found that perfectionistic concerns those that are worrying about mistakes or feeling inadequate and believing that you aren't meeting expectations were meaningfully associated with anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive symptoms.
In other words, there's a difference between trying to be excellent and being terrified of being imperfect.
One can push you forward, but guess what? The other can keep you frozen.
Perfectionism is that voice that says, you made one typo in that email.
And your body responds, excuse me, not your body, your brain responds. And it says, correct, we should probably disappear. Go off grid now.
High standards. They ask, how can I improve Unrealistic expectations, though, they ask, why aren't I already perfect?
And it's that distinction that matters and gives us some perspective.
See, the goal isn't to eliminate expectations, it's to make them more useful.
Try separating out these three things. Okay, what I want, what I expect, and what I can control.
You might want that promotion. You can work towards it for sure, but you can't completely control whether somebody else gives it to you.
You might want that relationship to last forever.
You can communicate that, you can show up, be honest, but you can't control another person's choices.
You might want a project you're working on to succeed. Well, you can prepare for that. You can work towards that goal. You can improve things, but you can't control every variable.
See, that distinction creates flexibility.
And flexibility is incredibly valuable because life doesn't care about our spreadsheets.
Maybe the healthiest expectation isn't everything will work out exactly as I want.
Maybe it's I can do my part, I can adapt to what happens, and I can handle reality when it arrives.
That brings us to today's final word.
Expectations.
They're predictions. They're not promises.
And some of the expectations that we carry around, they aren't even ours. They came from family or culture or comparison on the Internet.
And high standards, well, they can help us grow. But rigid expectations, they can turn every mistake into a verdict on who we are.
And ultimately, the goal isn't to expect less from life. No, it's to expect more. Realistically.
Hope for the best, prepare for reality, and leave enough room for life to surprise you. That's today's final word.
Thank you for spending time with me here today on Public Facing the Podcast.
Drop an email to me with some expectations for your life.
Add to this discussion. I may include your input in an upcoming episode.
If today's episode made you think about one expectation that you've been carrying around, share it with me. Send it to hellobublicfacingpod Stream.
And this episode, you can send that to somebody who probably needs to hear it too.
And if you enjoy our show, follow, subscribe, leave a review or share the episode Next time, we're getting much more personal.
We're talking about the expectations that we put on ourselves.
For Public Facing the podcast, I'm Joe Holman. Until next time. As you check your expectations, sorting between fantasy and reality, check to see who's actually holding the pen.
Keep things honest, upright and public facing. I'll see you next time.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Thanks for listening to Public Facing the podcast with Joe Holman. Visit us online at public facingpod stream and on
[email protected] public facingpod
[00:10:43] Speaker A: it.
