[00:00:09] Speaker A: Hey there.
Glad you could make it.
Thanks for stopping by.
Have I got a burning question for you.
If you've ever walked away from a conversation thinking, that is not what I meant, acknowledge that.
Or someone hits you with, I'm fine, and now you're running emotional forensics like, okay, the tone was flat. Not much eye contact.
This is not fine. This is advanced level, not fine.
And texting.
Oh, texting.
Texting made it oh, so much worse.
Because now punctuation has emotions.
Yeah, sure, with a period after it, that's fine.
Sure, with an ellipsis after it, that's absolutely not.
And sure, with three exclamation points, that's suspicious enthusiasm.
So, men, have you ever misunderstood this audible?
Yeah, same.
And it's really not okay.
Today we're tackling one of the most underrated superpowers in life.
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
Because whether it's relationships, those that involve the circles of those at work or family or friendships, or even that one group chat that somehow became a battlefield, communication isn't just important.
No, it's everything.
And here's the thing.
Most people, they don't struggle with talking.
That's not the real issue here.
No, they. They struggle with being clear, being intentional and understood.
So today we're shaking off the noise and we're trading that in for clarity.
I'll give you 12 real world approaches to better communication.
I'll share with you what works, what backfires, and how you can actually get results.
Plus, we'll sprinkle in some bonus tips, flavored with a little humor, of course, along the way and maybe, just maybe, save you from your next awkward misunderstanding. Cue the music.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: From the Natural State. This is Public Facing the podcast with Joe Holman.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: Thanks, Annabelle, for that. I'm Joe Holman. A lot of good stuff today. Let's get into it.
Communication, it's not just about words.
It's about timing.
It's about tone, inflection, assumptions, and context.
Sometimes we get these things right, sometimes we get them wrong.
And there's always something to discover.
Think of it like this.
You send a text, we need to talk.
You meant to convey, hey, quick, check in later.
But what they heard was prepare emotionally.
And communications, they begin to weaken and feel unwelcome from there.
That's the gap we're fixing today.
See, text messages and emails alike, they're often misunderstood, misinterpreted to one degree or another.
And both of these modes of communication lack an audible voice that inflection that context.
These are often Condensed messages for brevity and highlights, and they're too short to convey the whole story in one blast.
How about we go with our first approach?
Be direct.
Now, this has a difficulty that I have gauged as medium, and the results are pretty fast if you take this approach, because hinting in communications, well, that's basically emotional charades.
And not everyone deserves to be on your improv team.
Instead of hinting, try this. Here's a novel thought.
Say it loudly and proudly.
Just say it clearly.
Here's some examples.
Now, a bad example would be. It would be nice if someone helped with this.
It's a bad example.
A better example could sound like, can you help me finish this by 3pm?
Now, this works in the workplace.
This works in our relationships and in our friendships.
And the reason it works is because this removes any guesswork.
Now, negative version would be being too direct without any tone awareness.
So you send a message, I need this done now.
Well, the result of that is you sound like a villain in a plot of some corporate thriller.
So seek to find balance.
We get that balance if we be direct.
Plus being respectful.
Yeah, be polite.
Here's a bonus tip.
Use names in your conversations.
People respond better when they feel addressed personally.
And this helps make and keep a connection throughout the entire exchange of those communications.
As we move forward, we want to listen like we mean it.
That's right, active listening. That's our second approach.
Now, the difficulty level is medium, and the speed of the results are medium as well.
So repeat, clarify and confirm the information that you're listening to.
A negative version would be fake listening.
Those that nod their head while they're mentally grocery shopping.
Now, the result in this negative scenario is misalignment.
It's frustration and data loss.
Now, you combine all of those things and you've come up with an ability inability rather to properly recall the content of those communications.
Now, our third approach is to ask better questions.
And the difficulty of this isn't difficult at all. It's easy. And your results, they're pretty fast.
Avoid yes, no traps.
Those questions will trip you up.
There's a fine line between curiosity and turning into a low budget detective.
Where were you versus walk me through your timeline between 2 and 4pm instead of are you upset?
Try what's been bothering you? How long has it been this way? What brings relief?
The negative result is getting into interrogation mode where you're like, why did you do that? Why? Why?
Why again?
And the result is a defensive shutdown.
Because once things are shut down, it's not easy to start or rest.
Now, moving forward, we're also seeking the clarity in expression.
And approach number four is to use simple language.
The difficulty level is easy.
The results?
Speed is immediate.
Clarity beats complexity.
If someone needs a glossary, a flowchart, and emotional support just to understand your sentence, you did not communicate. No.
You assigned homework.
The negative version of this would be, oh, over complicating things with highfalutin comprehensive vocabulary to convey intellectual messaging.
You see what I did there?
Yeah. And the negative, the result of that is confusion and disengagement.
Speak your mind and mind the vocabulary that you use.
And here's another tip.
Pause before responding.
Yeah. Take a breath, take a beat.
Too often when people are communicating, they do not listen intently.
More so the listener is too set on what the response or the rebuttal will be.
And the original speaker's message is somehow deluded or missed altogether.
So a two second pause can prevent a two hour argument.
Now, in our next approach, match your tone to your message.
It's medium difficulty, but you'll see fast results.
Tone, it carries emotional meaning. Tone is wild.
You can say okay 37 different ways and start 12 different arguments.
It's like having a. A pillow fight with words.
That pillowcase is stuffed with something.
Could be soft like a feather or delicate like fine china, or worse, filled with lead marbles.
Each word's interpretation can be misdirected and misunderstood based on the heaviness and the strength that that pillow delivers to the other person.
So use the right tool, the right word for the job.
We wouldn't expect our message to be very well received if we used a pillowcase full of lead marbles to deliver a message intended to be delivered softly like a feather or as a whisper.
Now, the negative version of this would be mismatch.
A person says, I'm not mad. They sound furious.
Or a maniacal laugh at a message of bad news.
These actions, they result in distrust.
Now, as we move forward, we're seeking to utilize emotional intelligence.
So approach number six is to own your feelings.
Has a difficulty scale of medium and a result speed of medium.
Use I statements I feel, I felt overlooked versus you ignored me, you made me feel is the fastest way to turn a conversation into a courtroom drama.
Objection.
Sustained.
Relationship over.
That's how it plays out.
Now, a negative version would be that blame language.
Avoid this type of messaging because often using that language, the result can only be one thing.
An escalation of whatever the conflict is.
Now, here's a bonus tip.
If emotions are high Consider delaying the conversation intensely. Talking through an issue can build to yelling. And that level of progress, well, it gets lost when speaking turns to shouting through situation.
Nobody wins when this thing turns into a screaming approach.
Neither party wins.
Timing and delivery are paramount in communication.
Aim to be what I think of as a linguistic surgeon of sorts of strive to set up the communications in a positive light, calmly deliver and solidly stick the landing.
Otherwise you could hurt more than just a little pride.
Relationships are made and broken over miscommunication of words every single day.
And if you're not careful, a bad landing on your communications could wind you up in intensive care.
Though we sincerely hope not.
So here's some don't be's, don't be underprepared, don't be over sure, and do not over correct.
When it comes to being over sure.
Nobody likes the person with that cocky attitude.
Now, moving forward, we're sharing on on how context matters.
That's right. And our seventh approach is to adapt to your audience.
So medium difficulty, but you're going to see its results fast.
Now, we communicate differently in different environments.
We communicate one way at work, we communicate another way with our friends and another way when we're sitting down to family dinner.
Communication styles and tactics, well, they're all not just one size fits all.
You cannot talk to your boss the same way that you talk in a group chat.
And per my last email, yeah, that hits very differently than, as I literally just said, my guy.
So a negative version of this is a person who uses the same tone everywhere.
The result is often misinterpretation.
Now, Nina Simone said it first and the animals said it best.
So now it's your turn.
Say to yourself, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.
Our next approach is to confirm understanding.
This one is relatively easy and your results are usually immediate.
Going to someone saying, does this make sense?
You're, you're, you're putting that out there.
Message received should be a similar response.
Are we aligned?
Repeat the message to ensure clarity.
Build rapport, not regrets.
And the negative version of this is that by assuming an understanding, you've already placed crucial key elements of good communication at risk.
The old telephone game, this is where you kind of gather in a circle and the one person gives the original message and then you whisper that to the person next to you and so on and so on. It goes all the way around and by the time it gets back to the originator, oftentimes, more times than not, really the message is either distorted or destroyed, not getting back the same message. So that's a great example because just because you've heard something, it doesn't necessarily mean that you've heard it correctly or that you have rightly understood it.
And the result there is a silent confusion.
Here's another tip.
Summarize key points at the end of important conversations.
This way the you, you end up getting the clarity for what from what you heard to making sure that that message has indeed been received.
Now, as we push forward here, as we seek for consistency and trust, approach number nine is the follow through.
Now this one can be hard and the results, they're slow, but they're powerful. If you keep plugging away at it, it's going to come together a little bit better for you out of that consistency that you're, you're doing it, you know, over and over.
Now, saying you'll do something and not doing it, that's basically communication fraud.
See, words mean nothing without action.
A negative version of this would be empty promises.
And the result is the erosion of trust.
Sometimes it erodes, sometimes it's just wiped out.
Our next approach, number 10 is to be honest, not harsh.
This one is relatively hard. The results come to you medium time frame, I'd say.
Now if you start a sentence with, with I'm just being honest, statistically, something reckless is about to happen.
We're after truth and tact and you combine those and that builds trust.
Now the negative version is brutal honesty. Yeah, often the people who use their brutal honesty, they're not doing so out of truth or to build another person up.
In fact, instead of extending a helping hand, they're charging at you with words as a weapon, as a double edged sword, and usually with a high probability of confidence that they're acting not as one who must do something, no more so they're instead simply operating as a person who could act in such a manner.
Folks, communicate responsibly because the result of this negative version, damaged relationships.
When in doubt, be kind.
Just because we can do something does not mean that we should do so.
Now on to some advanced communications.
Approach number 11 is reading nonverbal cues.
The difficulty for this, I would say is hard and the results are fairly medium in time frame wise.
Now, body language, tone shifts and silence, those are nonverbal cues.
Now someone says I'm good while sighing and avoiding eye contact and staring out into the void.
That's not communication, that is a cry for subtitles.
Take a look at the sport of baseball for instance.
The catcher sets up the pitch with a sign.
That sign is communicated to the pitcher.
Now the coach and the manager may also share signs back and forth to the pitcher and from the pitcher back to the catcher again.
Other players on the field may also have signs that they pass around, but not a sound is uttered.
All of this using body language and a sign language all their own.
Now the negative version is ignoring the signals.
The result is you miss the meaning.
Striking out. Game over.
What was that that Ferris Bueller said Life moves pretty fast.
You don't stop and look around. Once in a while you could miss it.
So another bonus tip would be, and make no mistake, silence is itself a form of communication.
So use it intentionally.
Silence is powerful.
It also makes people nervous. So use that wisely and saying nothing, doing nothing, is still communicating something.
And that's important.
On our final approach Aligning our words with intent. Now this is relatively hard and the results it's going to take a long term and mastery to be able to get in with this.
Now say what you actually mean, not what sounds safe.
Aligning words with intent.
That involves ensuring that your communication and your actions and the underlying purpose are consistent to build authenticity and trust.
These are all building blocks.
So clarifying misalignments when words land hurtfully despite good intentions, asking the speaker to repeat themselves, or using I feel statements, will those help resolve the gap between the intent and the impact on the listener? But beware, this is not a game of words with friends.
Intentional word choice Selecting synonyms that convey the desired nuance, such as using harmonize to show team cohesion or synchronize to demonstrate deliberate timing.
Ensuring the language matches the strategic goal make sure to use the right tool for the job.
There are languages and dictionaries full of what appears to be infinite words to choose from.
But much like in various other skilled trades, not every tool can provide the necessary result for a task, even if it's used with the right intention.
Now let's take the time to ensure that the word or words that I choose are in fact related to the person, place, or thing or even situation that I'm referencing.
It's not an exact science, but using this method will hit the mark far more times than it will not.
And a negative version of this would be people pleasing.
Giving people what you think they they want to hear.
People pleasing sounds nice until you realize you've agreed to things you don't want to do with people you're avoiding and don't want to do them with.
At times you don't want to do them.
And the result here is this.
It's resentment and it's confusion.
And here's a bonus tip.
If it matters, say it out loud.
Assumptions don't count.
Well, folks, we've made it to the section that I like to call the Final word.
Now, everything that we've gone through and gone over today, it's been a lot.
But you can, you can pull these out in easy steps.
Now, clear communication.
It's not about perfection.
It's about intention.
And it's choosing clarity over comfort.
And it's understanding over assumption and honesty over avoidance.
When you say what you mean and you mean what you say, you create trust, you reduce conflict, and you build stronger connections in every area of your life.
Folks, I've enjoyed our time together today.
It's been great.
If you found value in today's episode, come check us out at Public Facing Pod Stream.
And finally, remember this.
Be clear and concise.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Until next time for Public Facing the podcast, I'm Joe Holman.
I'll be here shouting from the rooftops, across the airwaves and online.
I'll keep things Public Facing.
Bye for now.
[00:33:23] Speaker B: Thanks for listening to Public Facing the podcast with Jo Holman. Visit us online at PublicFacingPod stream and on X
[email protected] Public Facing Podcast.
